Humor

This cat just couldn't stand it. All those juicy big birds. Why eat a mouse? Two minutes later the cat was flattened to the ground, pretending delirium to save its idiotic life. Because turkeys legs are ninety-inches long and they can run-walk far faster than it can bolt in terror.
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I see them over there. Two young turkey scouts looking for the hole in the fence. Finding not one hole big enough for a turkey, they flap over. Do turkey fly? IMHO, turkey only fly enough to save themselves or kill themselves, whichever it is remains debatable. But after witnessing...
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Once again I will illustrate what an opinionated and callous man he could be. And hysterical, if one could remove their emotions and ego from the situation. This is by far one of his best moments - one of the most humorous dad stories he could have left us with.
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But where to put it. I knew it was coming. Dump my narrow, clear water glass on the carpet? Gross and too small. The wastebasket is actually wicker with large separations, so no. My purse? Open the window screen and vomit outside? But I had already managed...
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Frankly, the telephone call at one in the morning should have tipped me off that my day or dentist appointment would hold a glitch. Yes, one a.m., as in after midnight, calling from a restricted number. If only the young lady had not sounded so professional.... if only...
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I was always surprising my mother. I was born during a blizzard, right in our kitchen and when she was alone. First surprise. Cord around my neck, second. With self-inflicted concussions, broken arms, food poisoning, getting lost, finding wild mice and being bitten, trying to save bats, and on and on... by...
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In my defense, Hubby cannot hear. Ten years ago we were in the grocery, in produce. I asked him to bring the corn. I am walking away and see him looking on the floor. I ask, "What did you lose?" and he says, "You told me to get the worm and bring it along."...
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I remember my first case of adult poison ivy. Thirty years ago. I thought it was a grape vine. Yes, Hubby and I were pulling these huge amazon vines out of trees on the land we just purchased by the Wolf River. The neighbor stopped by and said,...
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My daughter knew this could not fare well when they arrived home, so she told her little daughter, ”If you can’t say hawk the right way then at least you have to tell Daddy that Mama loves him.” But sometimes you see it coming and there is no changing a thing....
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This hawk is so forward. It just sits over the birdfeeding table in the winter skeleton of the highbush cranberry tree and waits until an unsuspecting wild bird comes to feed..... But I have to ask? Isn't there an alarm watchguard? Besides me?.... What bird would come? Really. Don’t they...
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To my defense, once upon a time I always scooped them up to take them outside and make a nice plot of leaves and stones for them to live under far from the house, just like I do for the mice. To my defense, I used to take my hanging lamps apart to get...
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One day Sagie went down the rabbit hole. I dove onto the floor, grabbing him by the scruff and pulling. I couldn’t let go or he would die. I pulled and stretched and pulled. It was like giving birth. Until out of a tiny hole popped a twelveteen-pound skunk.
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Wing dog pile at side of neighbor’s garage. When it sticks you know they might get the idea.... Recycle coffee cans for neighborly gifts..... Pick up before the lawn crew arrives...... Wait until it freezes then rake it into piles and pick up... hoping the lady of house does not slide through it...
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Like we told you, they take getting used to. You have to point your nose at what you want to read. . . . Ah yes, point your nose at it! What that means to me is point your nose at the BOOK! Point your nose at the cereal box. Point your...
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Forgive me if I am a bit cranky, but that is what the exotics pets said to me. The elder, smart-arsed cat said I am essentially a turnip. Rule number one with exotic pets, very old dogs and grandfather-like cats is to never break routine no matter how cold you are or unglamorous you...
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